Becoming A Dad (Again), In My 40s

Doing it all again.

Shall we have another baby? Oh, why not!

Was I too old for another child? Did I possess the mental energy for more parenting adventures?

After raising two boys, I believed the parenting journey may be over. I was past forty, so questions about age and energy levels linger.

In fairness, I'm in decent physical shape. I exercise regularly and eat healthier than most dads I know.

I have worked hard to avoid the dangers of the "dad-bod" physique and bad clothing choices. It's wonderful to be a dad, but terrible to look like a dad. Because invariably, looking like a dad, can mean you've let yourself go.

That's not a judgement on anybody. But I'm a better dad, when I am in good mental and physical shape.

During 2023, my wife and I, had the "conversation." Could we do it all again? Were our finances equipped for more sprogs? Did we have the stamina for night-feeds, nappy changes and sleep depravation?

There are no "perfect moments" to have children; logic takes a back seat. My wife was in her mid-thirties, which is also a critical time for wannabe mums. 

There are no "perfect moments" to have children; logic takes a back seat.

Briefly we'd considered more children, amidst lockdown. Back then, the world was on the brink. Raising children back then, was a monstrous challenge. We feared for our jobs, lives and futures. Our house was too small, so there was no logic to expanding the litter.

Of course, life returned to normal, and we finally moved into a bigger house. We now had a spare room, and inevitably, we resumed discussions about a third child.

"Logic" is a funny thing. I'm a big believer that you need good foundations to have kids, such as a financial plan and mental clarity, along with a support network (if needed), and a life plan, because raising kids is tough!

The Desire For A Girl

Deep inside, I had longed for a baby girl. While the joy of raising boys was undeniable, the prospect of nurturing a girl promised new experiences.

The Rolling Stones famously told us "You Can't Always Get What You Want." Screw you, Mick and Keith, give me a girl, dammit!

My wife would never say it, but I think she wanted a girl too. I think most aspiring mothers, in their hearts, long for a girl. Often (but not always), there is a close mother-daughter bond.

So many women say their mothers are their inspiration and best friend. It's often a beautiful relationship for both sides. It's a volatile relationship too but underpinned with massive love.

Gender selection is banned in the UK, so everything is left to chance. If someone had guaranteed me a girl, I might have seriously considered a lockdown baby.

So, we said "yes, lets go for it!" and the genes decide. One last lucky dip (that sounded more appropriate in my head!).

The Baby & Gender Reveal

What's cooking good looking?

We were immensely fortunate and my wife conceived pretty quickly. The first twelve weeks are often referred to as the "dangerous" period. This is when miscarriages often occur, so its an anxious time.

At the 12 week scan, I was nervous, but the baby seemed to be developing ok.

"All good, and would you like an early gender prediction?" said the sonographer? 

"Ok, go on then." I said.

"Well, I can't be 100% accurate, but by the shape of the genital area, it looks to be a girl!" she added.

I think we were both in shock! And sure enough, at the 20 week scan, it was confirmed. I don't think we could process it all. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'd have loved a boy too. Children are a blessing, in any form. But to know we were having a girl, was a wonderful surprise.

Welcoming Our Baby Girl

The delivery of our third, became a different experience this time. Due to placenta previa, my wife had to undergo a caesarean section (C-section). 

Placenta previa is a condition in which the placenta partially or wholly blocks the neck of the uterus, thus interfering with normal delivery of a baby.

Caesareans are common, but never a pleasant experience. It's not pleasant to see your wife sliced open, on the operating table. 

Fortunately, the procedure went well. The team of doctors and nurses, did a great job. Soon we were handed our healthy little girl, weighing a perfect 6 pound.

C-sections can take some recovery. No driving and no physical excursion . So I was run-off my feet in those early stages.

But you know what? It was worth it. I have my girl and feel truly blessed.

In Summary

Never fear being a "slightly" older dad. What you could lack in energy, you'll make up with wisdom.

Children are a blessing, so don't hesitate too long. The perfect moment to be parent, never exists.

Have a plan, and go for it!